


You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

by wetbellamyblake



Category: The White Queen (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-11-19
Packaged: 2018-01-02 00:21:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1050329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wetbellamyblake/pseuds/wetbellamyblake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He would make it clear that she didn't need to fear anything, that he loved her. It couldn't be that hard, could it? He'd already said those words to her before so he could say them again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Anne was sitting on her bed as Richard helped her to get ready. Both were in deep thoughts of what happened today. Only hours ago they had buried their only child. For Richard it seemed like time was standing still, that everything was just a bad dream and he couldn't wake up. As he passed Anne's chambers earlier, he heard how she'd dismissed her ladies, crying at them, saying that she needed no help and wanted to be alone. Richard went in and helped Anne to unlace her dress and get ready for bed. He was unlacing her boots as Anne's broken voice brought him back to reality.

"My father in battle, Izzy to her poisoner. My baby to her curse."

"Anne, please.", he murmured, his own voice seemed strange to himself, broken.

"A witch's curse is all it could be. Where the weak years of his boyhood were behind him.", she continued.

Richard swallowed at her words. They seemed like poison. He knew what Anne thought but he couldn't let her do this. He couldn't let her ruin herself.

"Anne, I need you, please.", he looked at her and it was like he saw her for the first time in the past few days. Her face seemed broken, her eyes red from the tears.

Softly he helped her to lie on the bed and brushed off the boots of her feet, putting them besides the end of the bed.

"My son is gone.", Richard stopped for a moment.

He felt that she was slipping away from him, he feared it. Couldn't she see that he was broken, too? He just lost his son, he couldn't bare to lose his wife now, too. He needed her strong and happy, like she had always been.

"Then we must have another.", he simply said, his voice harder now. It couldn't be that hard to have another child, could it? They already had one son, why not another?

Anne looked at Richard with disbelieve. How could he just say something like that? He was there the last ten years. For a moment she remembered the times Richard had touched her. It seemed so long ago, like in a different life. The memories brought tears into her eyes.

"After ten full years of trying?", she answered and couldn't help but spit the words out of her mouth.   
"There is no point in touching me.", she added and as if she had just realized herself what she'd just said, she whispered: "There is no point."

Richard looked at Anne, he couldn't help but be shocked by her words. Didn't she know that he loved her. That all didn't matter to him as long as he had her?  
Carefully he put the covers over her body. As he looked at her again he could see her tearful eyes and wished he could simply take her in his arms and tell her that everything would be alright. But the words didn't come and he couldn't tell why.  
"Not even for love?", he asked, his fingers brushing lightly over her cheek. As she turned her face away from his he laid his hand on her shoulder. Her rejection hurt him. He just couldn't allow himself to think how much. 

Anne turned her face away from him, not wanting to hear him lying to her more. She wasn't the little girl from 12 years ago who really believed that he would love her, truly. He lied to her back then like he was lying now. She thought of Elizabeth and how she dared to take his hand, stopping him from coming to her.

"You do not love me.", she finally said and couldn't help but swallow the tears in the back of her throat at the thought of that.   
"Even at our own son's funeral you went to her."

Richard felt himself break inside. How could she say something like this? Didn't she see that he was waiting for her, holding a hand out for her? Didn't she see that he only wanted her by his side?

"She came to me because you would not.", Richard replied, desperate to reassure her that he didn't search Elizabeth's company.

Anne closed her eyes for a second. Why did he do this? Why did he still prevent that she shouldn't believe what she saw.

"You killed those boys...and lied to me.", at the last bit of the sentence she turned her face to him.   
"This is proof of it."   
She did not only mean that he lied to her on the fate of the princes but also on his attentions about Elizabeth and on the words of love he said to her many years ago.

Richard understood immediately what she was referring to and shook his head in disbelieve, not being able to stop the tears coming into his eyes.

"I didn't.", he replied but his voice was stuck with tears.  
Shaking his head again, swallowing the knot in his throat he repeated: "I didn't."

For a moment Anne felt sorry as she saw the tears in his eyes. No, she wouldn't fall for him again. Determined she turned away from him again and sank into the pillows.

Richard watched as Anne turned away from him, a clear sign that she didn't want to discuss further. He wanted to get up, to leave this room but he couldn't. If he would leave he would lose her.   
He tried to think of what he could say to her, to reassure her that he still did love her, that it was breaking him to see her like this but the words didn't come out of his mouth.

Slowly he got up and stood for a moment, watching her as she closed her eyes.  
She rejected him for the first time in all these years and it hurt like hell. Like in trance he turned away and walked out of her rooms. As he passed through the corridors he saw Elizabeth standing at a window, turning to him as she noticed him but he didn't stop. He couldn't bare to talk to her now.

Later Richard tossed around in his bed, not able to find the important sleep he needed. Anne's words were haunting him, mixed with images of the past days.  
Images of their dead son, Anne crying and Elizabeth smiling at him.

After several hours he gave up to find some sleep and slowly got up. He walked to the small table near the fireplace and poured himself some wine.

He sat on the chair and took a sip before closing his eyes. A smile appeared on his face as he felt a hand on his shoulder. Without doubt he knew it was Anne's hand. 

Richard was relieved that she was here, finally. He knew that she would understand. She always had.

As he turned around his smile disappeared. Behind his chair was no one. 

After he realized that he must have been dreaming he took another sip of his wine and looked into the fire. Slowly he remembered that is was him who told Anne to stay away. The memory as he said to her that the court would knew that he only tried to fool Elizabeth if they continued to share a bed at night got clear in his mind.

Richard realized that it was him who brought the distance between them. He had neglected her, hurt her and taken her love and trust for granted.

Suddenly he stood up. He would go to her and they would talk. He would make it clear that she didn't need to fear anything, that he loved her. It couldn't be that hard, could it? He'd already said those words to her before so he could say them again. 

Determined he left his chambers and made his way to hers.   
On his way he thought of what he could say and stopped in front of her door.  
She'd rejected him today, what if she would reject him again?   
He was her husband, he could demand that she would allow him to stay but was he really able to do this?  
He promised her that he would never force her, hurt her, like Lancaster did.  
And yet he wondered if he already did, maybe worse than Lancaster could ever do.


	2. Chapter 2

When Richard entered Anne’s chambers he found her sleeping. For a moment he studied her sleeping form and couldn’t help but wonder what she might dream. He remembered that some years ago, she would have told him that her dreams were only about him and their son. Her face looked peaceful in her sleep so maybe she was having a good dream. As he continued to watch Anne sleep he realized even more how much he must have hurt her by his actions. He started to hate himself for it. How could he have been so blind and not notice? 

Quietly he climbed into the bed, next to Anne. Softly he put his arms around her body and pulled her closer. The first thing he noticed was her loss of weight. Another rush of shock went through his body and he closed his eyes, placing a kiss on her temple, softly stroking her back.

Anne was having the same dream she had for the past few weeks. She was standing at an abyss and behind her stood Richard. She tried to reach his hand because she feared to fall over but she couldn’t reach it. Normally Elizabeth would appear next to Richard and smile to her before she would drag Richard more and more away from her. In her dreams she would look at Richard pleadingly, begging him to save her but he would just stare at Elizabeth until Anne let herself fall over the abyss.

The dream Anne was having tonight was slightly different. She was still standing at the abyss but as Elizabeth appeared he pulled Anne closer to him and hold her save.

Anne slowly opened her eyes and the first thing she noticed, before even being fully awake, was the strong arms that held her close. She smelled Richard’s scent and looked up at him. He was fully awake and starring at her. Anne closed her eyes once more because it seemed like another dream. As she opened them again Richard was lightly smiling at her.

“What are you doing here?”, she asked and tried to move away from his embrace but Richard only tightened his grip on her.

“I’m sorry.”, he simply said and started again to stroke her back.

Anne looked up at him, questioningly.  
“What are you sorry about?”, she asked and couldn’t help but relax in his arms. She’d almost forgotten how it had felt to lie in his arms.

“For everything.”, he murmured and placed another light kiss on her forehead.   
“I didn’t realize how much I’d hurt you.”, he added and looked at her.

Anne didn't now what to say. She looked at her husband for a moment, progressing in her mind what he'd just said.   
"How could you not see?", she asked and placed her hand softly against his chest. 

Richard was silent for some seconds, thinking of how he could explain to her.  
"I thought you would now that there was only you and that there couldn't be someone else, ever. I thought you knew why I needed to do this.".

Anne nodded slowly. Of course she knew why he needed to do this but lately she simply wasn't sure if he only needed to do it or if there was the possibility that he also wanted to do it.  
"I know why you needed to do this, why you are doing this.", she whispered and placed her forehead against his chest. 

"Then why did you think for only one second that...", he started and paused for a second. "Anne, Elizabeth is my niece. She's Edward's little girl. How could you possibly think that I really desired her?"

Richard looked at her as she didn't respond. He knew that she wanted to say something but hold herself back.

"Anne?", he asked and put his fingers under her chin, forcing her to look at him.  
As their eyes met he saw that she really believed he would not love her, that he probably never did.

A single tear rolled down her cheek and Richard brushed it away with his thumb.   
"Why, Anne? Why are you thinking this?", he questioned and hold her face between his hands so that she could not turn it away from him.

Anne looked at Richard and remembered every time she saw him with Elizabeth. "Do you know how it is like to walk around the court and around every corner there are voices of how beautiful Elizabeth is and how you danced with her and admired her?"

"Anne, look at me!", Richard demanded and she obeyed.   
"When I married you, I did not only made you a royal duchess! I made you mine, as I made myself yours! I gave you my heart because I loved you. I still love you and I will love you for the rest of my life! Never forget or doubt that.", and with that he pressed his lips against hers.

Anne felt like she was melting at the touch of his lips. It's been too long since he kissed her, touched her. She buried her fingers in his curls, giving in to her feelings. For one night she wanted to forget that she was queen, that Elizabeth was at court, that her mother had cursed the only son she had just buried today.

She wanted to feel young, alive and beautiful. She wanted to be the young wife she once was. His lover and partner. 

When they parted they were both breathless. Richard tugged at her nightshirt, tossing it over her head while she did the same. Anne rolled onto her back, pulling Richard with her on top of her body. His lips started to caress her neck while his hands brushed over her sides, cupping her breasts.

A moan escaped her lips as he replaced his hands with his lips. Her legs wrapped around his hips and she could feel his arousal in his breeches.   
"Richard.", she murmured and when she reached for his breeches he stopped her, placing her hand besides her body. 

His lips started to caress the rest of her body, going from her breasts to her stomach until he reached her womanhood and Anne cried out in pleasure. 

"Richard, please.", Anne pleaded and sat up as Richard finally let go of her. Their lips met in a passionate kiss as Anne's hands reached for his breeches again. This time he did not stop her from trying to pull them down.

Her fingers wrapped around his freed erection, stroking it slowly and Richard moaned into her mouth before breaking away from her and getting up.

When he lied down back on top of her, his breeches gone, he placed her hands next to her head and clasped his fingers with hers.

Anne's back arched up as Richard thrust into her making them both moan in pleasure. He started to move in and out of her and her legs wrapped around his hips. 

Richard's lips always searched hers for a deep, passionate kiss while his thrust became faster. He buried his head in the cave between her neck and shoulder before placing several kisses on her face.

The room was soon filled with the passionate sounds of their love making and when Richard felt Anne climaxing around him he cried out, spilling himself into her.

In the afterglow of their love making Anne lied in his arms, her head on his chest. When she felt his calmed breath she looked up at him.  
"Richard?", she murmured and waited for him to look at her.  
"Do you think our Edward is in heaven now?"

Richard looked at Anne while his right hand stroked her back. He thought about her question for a minute and smiled at her.  
"Of course he is.", he murmured and stroked her cheek with his other hand as he saw the tears in her eyes.

"He's all alone.", she whispered and tried to swallow her tears but in the end they made their way down her cheeks.

Richard felt his own tears filling his eyes.   
"No he's not. He has my father, your father and your sister. Edward is there, too. He's not alone.", Richard replied and some tears rolled down his cheeks.

Anne smiled softly and nodded.   
"You're probably right.", she murmured and rested her head again on his chest, closing her eyes. 

Somehow she felt that soon she would be able to embrace her beloved son again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was my attempt for a little fix-it-story ;)  
> I hope you liked it ;)

**Author's Note:**

> God it was so awful to write this! I never imagined that it would be that hard!  
> How ever, I hope you enjoy this even if the topic is a really sad one but I promise the  
> next chapter (and last one) will be better and ... hotter :)


End file.
